Follow Friday: Grief, Games, and the God Who Sees

Grief has been one of my greatest teachers. Not because I like it or chose it, but because it keeps coming back in different costumes - death, betrayal, confusion, distance, silence. The “five stages of grief” talk about denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, but in real life they rarely arrive in order or stay in neat little boxes. They swirl, overlap, and repeat. Some days you are fine; other days you are furious. And still, Jesus says, “Follow Me” right in the middle of all of it. I am struggling with this at this time because I feel my intelligence was insulted while everyone was playing in my face.

For me, life has felt like multiple simulations running at once. Work and home were both literal warfare until I felt forced out of the neighborhood...both humming with invisible activity, details not adding up, emotions not matching actions. Steven, remember when you asked me "Did you think I was scared of you?" when I was sharing that it felt like people were afraid of me and I told you no... your teeth where chattering our first conversation but I didn't think much about it at the time but in hindsight I suppose I was to kind to be honest because at the end of the day it didn't matter. I felt like live bait in a tank, watching scenarios play out around me while being kept in the dark. When it sounds like a war zone outside your house, when “Elite” visitors just so happen to be across the street, and when your home life and your work life both feel monitored, you start paying attention in a different way. You start asking: Who is really in control here? And how do I follow Jesus in this?

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”
Psalm 23:4 (NIV)

Anger: When Silence Feels Like Betrayal

If the “five stages” include anger, that is where I am parked right now. I am tired of people playing directly in front of my face and choosing silence as if that is going to save them. It will not. I watched emotions scream one thing while actions did the opposite. I watched people behave like they wanted me in the backroom and then complain to the boss about things I had done for years - I can love someone but still love myself enough to set boundaries with those who don't respect my own. I made myself vulnerable, I told the truth about my feelings, and right after that, even my car’s systems started lighting up like something had been triggered in another layer of the game.

Here’s what I know about myself: I do not chase anyone. I attract what is aligned, and usually, with patience and time, (I still get upset at times but I try my best to type it and delete it before posting it although I what I post is 100% coming from the heart) - I get it. But I refuse to stay somewhere and be made to look like a complete fool in someone else’s sick Hunger Game. Someone knows more of the story. Someone understands why work and home both turned into warfare. And honestly, I do not care anymore about who betrayed whom and who stabbed whom in the back - that is their work to sort out not mine. What I do care about is basic human decency: being able to know if someone is okay that I care about regardless of whether betrayal is behind the scenes. Being treated like a person, not a pawn.

“In your anger do not sin… do not give the devil a foothold.”
Ephesians 4:26–27 (NIV)

Following Jesus in the anger stage means admitting, “Yes, I am angry,” while also refusing to become what wounded me. It means bringing the rage, the questions, and the humiliation to Him first, before you let it harden into something that poisons you.

Suspicion, Setup, and the Slow Backing Away

There were names and faces in this story - Tony, Zach, Jess, Tom, Laura were in my work environment and emotionally manipulating me. People who, whether they spoke or stayed silent, knew something bigger was moving behind the scenes. The longer I stayed in that environment, the more people around me began to move away - literally. Houses emptied. The neighborhood shifted when they realized I wasn't going anywhere and that I was on to their games.

It began subtly: a dead rat placed by the garage freezer, the garage door already up that morning which was out of routine, my landlord walking out to check the trash which was out by the road after I already threw the dead rat it in the garbage where it belonged. The air felt charged, like the fuse was burning down and everyone was waiting for the explosion. People hyped me up, cheered me on, acted excited for me, while everything behind the scenes screamed danger. Being threatened was embarrassing. Imagine disliking someone’s words so much that you are willing to orchestrate pain in their life just to feel powerful. That my friends is a sad life. Can you imagine hating yourself so much you try and be like someone else? I take comfort knowing I live rent free in your head.

And yet, even here, Jesus says, “Follow Me.” Not into denial, not into pretending it’s fine, but into telling the truth about what happened and then standing still while He sorts out what you cannot.

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him…”
Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)

Escorted Like a President, Living Like a Pilgrim

After I resigned, my life looked strange from the outside. I was escorted around my own neighborhood and community like a president for a while - dark SUVs, patrol cars, all the markers that something serious was going on. And yet, inside myself, I was calm. People could watch if they wanted to; it did not change the fact that I live from the inside out. I choose the 5D. I choose the unseen place where I know I am protected, where God’s presence is more real than any convoy or threat.

It would be dishonest to pretend it never felt like I was being marched toward slaughter. People were cheering me on as long as I stayed quiet, but the moment I started asking for real answers, I became the one labeled “off” or “not all there.” In reality, I have never been more stable - mentally, physically, or spiritually. I did not create this mess, so I do not intend to clean it up, and anyone who truly knows my character already understands exactly who I am. The questions some of you were asking were strange, to say the least. My job now is to stay in my lane, keep a sound mind, and let the pieces behind the scenes fall into place, trusting that patience will do its work. When the mistakes are big, the cleanup takes longer, but eventually the mess takes itself out and someone has to start telling the Truth.

This story is my lived reality - real‑time accounts of some of the hardest days I have had to walk through and talk about in order to heal my own heart or at least work towards healing my own heart - I felt like I had already gotten to that place and then here come the attacks at work, home, and my brand - and to keep choosing Love even while my environment was serving up some of the nastiest betrayals I have seen in a long time. I know it was for my growth; there were lessons I still needed, but the protection was always there, like a steady frequency under all the noise, especially in the few close friendships I was able to cultivate along the way, even knowing that whatever was best for me would be targeted. On nights when my neighborhood sounded like a war zone, this blog became my way to step out of the chaos and be honest about what I was feeling in seasons when a helping hand would have been appreciated - but instead, it was often reactive verbal abuse (My Dad would always say "you aren't getting anything when I die" - bro I don't want anything from you and I hope you live the rest of your life and enjoy the fruits of your labor) or being deliberately placed in hard situations to see what I would do, like an animal in a cage. The people I poured into the most did not reflect back the same level of Love I gave them - or at least that is how it feels. That is a tough pill to swallow, because my spirit believes this is all for the better and I am just waiting for the 3D to catch up, but it is frustrating to say the least.

What I do know is that I will stand ten toes down every day for the Man upstairs. If I feel like I am being herded into a slaughterhouse, I am going to call a timeout and ask questions, and if those answers are not sufficient, I am going to call BS, take my ball, and play alone - and be completely content. I do not care about rehashing the past (secretly I do at times because I just want to understand); I care about a happier, healthier future for everyone, and I am deeply thankful for how advanced the United States military actually is (and our allies). They do not get nearly enough credit for how far they will go to protect the men and women they love and care for and stand behind. In a story where defamation can spread like wildfire and the narrative can be scripted precisely to ensure your viewpoint is distorted from Truth but when Truth shows up it doesn't knock it kicks the door open and says put up or shut up either we work together or we work against each other but regardless I will win every time. I would never harm myself trust me I have went through enough pain and betrayal in my life watching my life get used in someone else's sick Ready Player One fantasy world and if I am a threat then by all means show your true colors but we all know that is false.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Following Jesus in this stage looks like walking through chaos with a sound mind -refusing to let other people’s labels overwrite what God has spoken about you.

Grief’s Quiet Stages: Numbness, Surrender, and a Different Kind of Acceptance

The five stages of grief talk about acceptance as the end of the road, but I see it more as a shift in posture. It is not accepting the wrong that was done. It is accepting that you cannot rewrite it which can be really painful when you sit in unknowing with a heart that wants nothing to do but Trust - I have seen God work miracles and I know me acting foolish won't speed that up so I apologize for outbursts from time to time the wounds are still fresh. It is releasing the fantasy that one perfect explanation will suddenly make everything hurt less. Acceptance, in Christ, is not passive; it is an active opening of your hands.

It sounds like this: “Lord, they may never apologize. I may never get the full story. Some questions may follow me for the rest of my life. But I refuse to let this stop me from following You. I refuse to let grief become my identity. I will grieve honestly, but I will not stay stuck.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

In that kind of acceptance, Jesus is not asking you to minimize the setup, the threats, or the monitoring. He is asking you to hand Him the weight of it so you can keep walking.

Follow Friday Practice: Walking With Jesus Through Your Own Stages

For this Follow Friday, here is a simple practice to explore what it means to follow Jesus in your own grief:

1. Name your current stage
   Ask yourself honestly: am I angry, numb, bargaining, exhausted, resigned, or something else? Write one sentence that tells the truth.
2. Tell Jesus exactly how it feels
   Pray without polishing it: “Jesus, this is what it feels like to be me today…” and pour it out.
3. Ask: “Where are You in this?”
   Sit quietly and imagine Him in the scene with you—at the office, in the car, in your neighborhood. What is His face like? What might He say?
4. Choose one small act of trust
   It might be sending a text, resting instead of spiraling, going for a walk, or putting your phone down. Something that says, “I believe You are still leading me.”
5. Release what is not yours to carry
   Write down the names, situations, and questions that are too heavy for you. Then pray: “Lord, these are Yours now. Show me only the next step You want me to take.”

"Following Jesus in everyday moments does not mean pretending you are not in a war zone - spiritually, emotionally, or practically. It means knowing that even when you feel like live bait in someone else’s tank, Heaven has already marked you as beloved, protected, and led. I am trying to practice patience at this point in time."

With Love and Truth,
Eugene 💘

EugeniasThought: Keep Rising and Shining Beautiful Souls - I will work on balancing my emotions but it can be difficult at times when you feel purposely isolated. It is about time for a walk instead of being all worked up over the lack of actions of others...

Those are the exact loops that you should try and avoid because when your mad/upset you naturally go to your deepest wounds and react from a place of not understanding the full situation this is one of the first days I have felt really upset about everything thus far. Trusting that goodness is yet to come is still difficult for me after everything that I was put through and people know what that is. I have a really hard time understanding other peoples hearts at the end of the day as I would really like to meet someone who can reflect back the love and respect that I give them - no conditions - just like Alex and Leila. She told Alex that she would sleep with him under a bridge if it came to that. That is the Love that I pray everyone finds someday. I also pray that this blog will turn into the source of my income, and for blessed days to come without reacting from abandonment wounds/feelings.

Every word is a whisper of intention, carved in stillness and light.

🎧 Frequency Feature: Watch The Giant Fall

“Watch The Giant Fall” by Street Gospel Syndicate carries the same energy as this Follow Friday - standing your ground in God while systems, lies, and secret games wobble under their own weight. It’s a reminder that no matter how powerful the “giants” of betrayal, manipulation, or fear may look in the 3D, they cannot stand forever against Truth, and the ones who keep following Jesus in the small, everyday steps will be the ones still standing when the dust settles.

Weekly Editorial Rhythm

• Monday: Monday Morning Grace - a gentle start to the week with faith-centered encouragement
• Tuesday: Truth-Telling Tuesday - authentic reflections on living faith boldly
• Wednesday: The Midweek Mirror - a pause for spiritual reflection and self-compassion
• Thursday: Frequency Thursday - tuning into God's voice amid life's noise
• Friday: Follow Friday - exploring what it means to follow Jesus in everyday moments
• Saturday: Sacred Saturday - rest, reflection, and spiritual practices
• Sunday: Sunday Soul Food - nourishing reflections to ground your week ahead

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