You Didn’t Heal Just to Stay Hidden

You didn’t survive all of that just to go back to playing small.

After I flushed the pills and decided to live, I thought the hard part was over.

It wasn’t.

The hard part was what came after.

The stillness.
The fog.
The silent question: Now what?

I spent 11 days in bed by choice.
Not because I was lazy - because I couldn’t bear to feel reality.
My aunt and uncle knocked on the door when it was time to eat.
The rest of the time, I slept -
because being unconscious felt safer than being alive.

Eventually, the fog started to lift.
Not all at once.
Not with clarity.
Just in tiny, flickering moments that whispered, try again.

I told my boss I had Covid.
I just needed two weeks to get through the worst of it.
He said yes - and I locked myself in that room and fought for my life in silence.

After 11 days, I got up and took a shower.
Then I started being a dad again.
Running errands. Getting outside.
Stacking tiny wins that looked like nothing from the outside
but meant everything to the man who had to start from zero.

I was still pretending to be okay.
Faking it until I made it.
But here’s the thing -
even fake momentum can become real if you keep showing up.

At that point in my life, I kept thinking about the end goal -
who I needed to become, what I needed to rebuild,
what I had lost.
But what I should have been focused on
were the small, immediate things I could control.

Minute by minute.
Habit by habit.
Decision by decision.

That’s what saved me.
That’s what rebuilt me.

When I zoom out now and read my old journal entries,
I can see the progression.

It wasn’t sexy.
It wasn’t clean.
But it was real.

And real wins stack.
They harden into confidence.
They sharpen your mindset like a blade.

And one day, without even realizing it,
you stop faking it.
You start owning it.

🕊️ I share more reflections like this every Sunday in the Sunday Whisper - a quiet email that helps you make sense of where you’ve been, and where you’re headed.
You can sign up for it just below.

I’ve known since I was a kid that I was going to be successful.
And yeah, I was hoping it’d be before 40 -
but hey, we’re working with what we’ve got.

Because here’s the truth:

I’m not here to play small ball.
I’m here to hit fucking dingers.

And now, after everything -
success isn’t just a dream.
It’s inevitable.

Because when you keep stacking right decisions,
winning stops being luck
and starts being math.

You can only lose if you give up.

So if you’re still pretending,
still hurting,
still not sure if you’re healing or just holding it together -

Here’s what I want to say to you:

You’ve got a tough road ahead.
But it’s also bittersweet as hell when you start shining
and you can finally tell everyone who didn’t believe in you
to fuck straight off.

Keep pushing.
Focus on the small things.
You don’t need a big breakthrough.
You need to brush your teeth, take a walk, show up. (wash your sheets too, nasty ass).

You need to stay.

Because your story isn’t over.
You didn’t come this far to stay silent.
You didn’t heal just to disappear.

📬 Want a weekly space to breathe, reflect, and keep becoming?
Join the Sunday Whisper.
It’s not a newsletter. It’s a moment of stillness delivered straight to your inbox.

You came here to live.
To love.
To lead.
To move like someone who knows what it took to survive.

People fail.
Don’t let it define you.

Get back up and keep trucking, butternuts.

Love,
Eugenia

🕊️ Coming tomorrow:
“You Don’t Have to Rush Your Becoming” -
A reminder that healing doesn’t have a deadline, and you’re allowed to move at your own sacred pace.
No pressure. No race. Just rhythm.
Make sure you’re signed up for the Sunday Whisper so you don’t miss it.